I really struggled to choose a title for this post, as there’s so much I have to say! So I’m just going to start off with a bit of an explanation. Back in 2010 I started my first University course, my BSc in Biological Science of which I graduated in 2013. For three years I lived in Bristol whilst studying, and although I loved my time there I had quite a tough time personally.
Fast forward to 2016, I’ve just started my DipHE in Operating Department Practice and I’m currently staying in Bristol again whilst I’m on the lecture block of this course. Last week was the first week I spent staying in Bristol with my younger brother, and it gave me so much nostalgia. I almost had a bit of a realisation about how much has changed since I last lived in Bristol, and how much I’ve changed in myself also so I just wanted to put those feelings onto paper.
Looking back, I can now clearly see that when I started University at 18 I was in a completely different headspace to where I am now. I was quite naive, lacked in self confidence/self belief and I had a massive fear of being alone. Although I had moved away from home, I was very dependent on others and hated doing things/going out alone. On top of this, I literally had no idea what I wanted to do with my life!
So on returning to Bristol, as well as a massive wave of nostalgia and wonderful memories, it all suddenly dawned on me how much I have changed..I’ve learnt to not worry so much about what others think of me, which is something I really struggled with in the past. I’ve drawn the conclusion that no matter what you choose you do in life, there’s always going to be critics & skeptics. So just let the negativity go over your head like water off a duck’s back!
The main change which dawned on me was down to being more independent, and being content with myself/my own company. I used to dread driving to new places, or driving around the city that I’d get myself so anxious my feet would be shaking on the pedals in the car! Last week I did so much driving, all to new places and I just felt super calm and much better at coping. I also spent an afternoon in Bristol exploring by myself, I did a bit of shopping and spent an hour in Starbucks reading my book. I felt so comfortable and content, and reflecting this made me realise that I’ve grown up a lot.
I’m aware this post has turned into quite an essay! But I just wanted to add that I think something which has had a huge impact on my life in the last three years is my amazing boyfriend Mark. He has so many qualities which have balanced me out as a person, and I wouldn’t be where I am today without him.
I may still have problems with my confidence at times, but I’ve grown into a person who is much more content and just able to cope better with life’s curve balls. I’m so glad that I’ve got to the end of this path, as I feel like I’m in the best place for the Uni course I’m starting. I’m excited for what the future holds, and it’s such a nice feeling to finally have some certainty in my career path laid out ahead of me.
I guess what I wanted to get across in this post was that sometimes life may throw you many curve balls, you might feel like you have no sense of direction. But it’s how you tackle the problems, and how you grow that determines your true direction. I don’t think 18 year old me would have ever predicted where I am, but I couldn’t be happier right now.